There’s something about starting blogs that still feels reassuring after all these years. I’ve been blogging (on and off, but mostly off) for longer than I ever hadn’t. I started when I was 11. It was something that took me out of the world and gave me something to do back when the internet had two modes: civil and discrete. We used to believe that the internet would give us all this immense access to knowledge and to each other, that we’d all grow and learn together.
That hasn’t really worked out. Also not working out: blogging. It’s the kind of thing one with massive anxiety doesn’t do because they have to terms with their own weaknesses. It also just gets incredibly repetitive. Another day or week, another anxious mess.
The first steps in starting a new blog are always very, very defining. Not in that they’re always definite, though the successful ones always are, but that they’re descriptive. Most people know what they’re in for: they know what category they’re going into, whether it’s investigative journalism or a baking mom blog or anti-Semitic tirades. Blogs aren’t like social media, word vomit with character limits or universal selfies. They’re specific. Blogs are about who the author is, even if they’re not a personal diary style exhibition.
That’s always been my problem. Who am I? Anxious, poor, and unhealthy. Nobody wants to read about that. Nobody wants to write about it. So I end up successfully writing about the same three topics until I’m bored of the realities. Because I’m weak to it, nothing improves. Nothing changes.
Every WordPress starts with a default post. Wether you trash it or leave it, it’s there, a reminder of what came first, or what didn’t. Sometimes you just have to clear out the defaults for something better. Sometimes you have to change the narrative.
This isn’t a sad boy blog about sad boy things. Let’s change the narrative, here and now. Because I’m better than my default post. Those things aren’t who I am, they’re what I suffer with; I’m a creative adult with responsibilities, and goals, and yes, there’s some emotional baggage and firewalls and shit. But those aren’t who I am. So the goal is simple: write about positive things and the ways I’m leaving those defaults behind. Because adulting is hard but rewarding, and I don’t want to turn 30 and still be on my bullshit.
Starting this blog is one of those things that I’ve been working on today over the Thanksgiving weekend. I’ve been simplifying, both physically and virtually: why do I need two cloud services?? I don’t! Bye, Dropbox. Sorry. Does my sensitive-skin ass really need all this skincare? Toss the ones I’m not even. fucking. using.
I’m in the process of transitioning blog hosts. I had one of those serious moments with my inner dialogue that, now that my hosting plan was ending, I needed something cheaper and more realistic. Yeah, it means no more migos Ipsum generator, but it also means I’m dedicating space (literal, emotional, mental, virtual) in my life to actual projects as opposed to pretending I’m ever going to be one of those internet developer personalities with all the side projects and shit. That’s… just not realistic. Maybe a blog. But a blog doesn’t need to be $70+ a year with a series of domains. Hell, it didn’t even need to be the one, but I needed a blog that wasn’t going to be a distraction of other posts every time I logged on to catalogue my adulting, and could still be personal. Tumblr and Medium were out for those reasons.
As I mentioned in the A-Side, the main three problems I’m constantly dealing with are anxiety, money, and unhealthiness. Those are the things I’m working this week on tackling, getting down to the 6 W’s of that trio. My plan is to consider how to frame the big fight as goals, instead of problems: positive thinking and all that. I also want to quantify what my goals are, how to recognize their success and failures, and the steps to achieving them. I guess that’s my next post.